We start our kids out in life by telling them a load of lies from the tooth fairy to Santa; we have them believing every word that comes out of our mouth. Seriously, how mad or hurt were you when you found out that your parents lied about Santa or about anything. I was devastated... it's when being a kid wasn't so much fun anymore and growing up became inevitable. It's when I realized lying made life easier, it made it less complicated, it made it ok to go to sleep at night because my dad would slay the boogie man to protect me. Maybe your parents told you that if you masturbated your penis will fall off or you will go to hell. My all time favorite lie was "sex is nasty"... what a crock of shit! I mean it's as nasty as you make it.. LOL!
When is a lie a lie? is it when the lie has deceived someone into believing all you said and done is the truth? When you have fabricated the story so much that you believe it; now that the line is so thin ,YOU can't remember if it really happened. Is it a lie when you are protecting someones feelings? Like when you meet someone and have no intentions on calling them because you aren't interested; however to not "hurt their feelings" you ask for their number. The truth is you do more damage by taking the number and not calling. Or is it only a lie when you gain from the story that was told? Have you ever told someone "I love you" and didn't mean any of the eight letters you let fall from your lips? I am confused; what are little white lies? and why are they ok? and the BIG BLACK ones aren't.... so there is racism in lying too?
Was it a lie because someone found out the truth?
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
To Be or Not to Be...... FREE!
As I continue on this journey of self awareness, self examination and self mutilation; today in the shower, I had another AHA moment. I am a hopeless romantic as I stated in a previous blog however today while washing my hair something hit me... most guys I have been in a relationship with has cheated on me.. AHA! After I said this out loud.. I laughed and laughed and laughed not because they were all losers but because I am the common denominator and what does that say about me? When my high school boyfriend crushed my heart by committing infidelity after infidelity ( he still holds the record for the worlds biggest loser) I was determined to never let another man have me buying stock in Kleenex, Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream with Brownies and a party line with my friends. I would never let a man take me so outside of myself that my investigation skills would shame the most decorated Secret Service agent. I came to know that a man cheating on me had nothing to do with me; it has everything to do with them and where they are with themselves. Once I mastered that at an early age; now when I am done... I am done.
Over the years I have learned a lot about myself with the most important being I love my freedom. Now don't get me wrong I love being in a relationship however I have and never will hold a man hostage to my love. Although I enjoy hand holding and sleeping with the one I love; I also love being alone because I like NO..I love me. I have taken the time to find that I am my own best company and responsible for my happiness. The men that have decided to step out on me, to have a chick on the side, to think it's okay to kiss and go to hell; unfortunately lost out on having the best of both worlds. My male friends have always joked about me having a high level of testosterone to the point that some think I have penis envy. Well today I am setting the record straight. I do not have penis envy. I think some men can't handle walking around with something swinging between their legs because they can't walk and chew bubble gum (you will get it later). I enjoy being a woman! I just have the ability to smell, know shit when I see it, step in it and when someone is trying to feed it to me. My level of nonsense is nonexistent. Trust me when I say I have seen and heard enough fabricated stories that when I hear the truth; I question it too.
I am waiting for the man that will appreciate my need to maintain my individuality and not get caught up in his mirrored image. I need a man that will be secure enough with himself that when I say, "I am fine alone" he doesn't interpret it to mean I am angry or need some extra attention and proceeds to call me a hundred times. I love being feminine, I love the dresses and Jesus knows I love my shoes however I need a man that is okay with me wearing my Timberlands. A relationship is about being with someone and loving them; for me it is also about being free. Freedom by definition means the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. Freedom is a synonymous with being you. The mistake most people make is they always send a representative in the beginning... showing how great they are and how great they can be that when the real person shows up confusion sets in. I live by the motto.. what you see is what you get.. I am me all the time. I am genuine, sincere, loving.. I am opinionated, unreasonable when my mind is made up and most importantly I am free of drama, messiness, gossip and all things nonsense.
The mistake I have made for many years is I thought I was in a relationship with a grown man. Everything is fun and giggles in the beginning because I can go from boardroom, to the basketball game, to the bedroom in a blink of an eye.. meaning.. I can take care of my business, kick it with my man and be all that he "wants" behind closed doors. We can sip champagne and chug beers. I know that being friends is the foundation of any successful relationship. I give freedom because I want freedom. I am a grown woman who has a tremendous capability of occupying my time with meaningful things. The men who have cheated couldn't handle all the freedom I needed or gave...they needed something to do with their time. I am not going to make excuses as to why men cheat however I will say when the real man for me shows up he is going to be fine with being alone and love when we are together. He is going to have his own shit going on that our time apart will be productive and not destructive. He will appreciate looking at other women, maintain his friendships with his female friends without disrespecting me. It can be done.. MONOGAMY.. it will happen as soon as more boys become men who have learned to walk with it swinging and chew bubble gum!
Over the years I have learned a lot about myself with the most important being I love my freedom. Now don't get me wrong I love being in a relationship however I have and never will hold a man hostage to my love. Although I enjoy hand holding and sleeping with the one I love; I also love being alone because I like NO..I love me. I have taken the time to find that I am my own best company and responsible for my happiness. The men that have decided to step out on me, to have a chick on the side, to think it's okay to kiss and go to hell; unfortunately lost out on having the best of both worlds. My male friends have always joked about me having a high level of testosterone to the point that some think I have penis envy. Well today I am setting the record straight. I do not have penis envy. I think some men can't handle walking around with something swinging between their legs because they can't walk and chew bubble gum (you will get it later). I enjoy being a woman! I just have the ability to smell, know shit when I see it, step in it and when someone is trying to feed it to me. My level of nonsense is nonexistent. Trust me when I say I have seen and heard enough fabricated stories that when I hear the truth; I question it too.
I am waiting for the man that will appreciate my need to maintain my individuality and not get caught up in his mirrored image. I need a man that will be secure enough with himself that when I say, "I am fine alone" he doesn't interpret it to mean I am angry or need some extra attention and proceeds to call me a hundred times. I love being feminine, I love the dresses and Jesus knows I love my shoes however I need a man that is okay with me wearing my Timberlands. A relationship is about being with someone and loving them; for me it is also about being free. Freedom by definition means the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint. Freedom is a synonymous with being you. The mistake most people make is they always send a representative in the beginning... showing how great they are and how great they can be that when the real person shows up confusion sets in. I live by the motto.. what you see is what you get.. I am me all the time. I am genuine, sincere, loving.. I am opinionated, unreasonable when my mind is made up and most importantly I am free of drama, messiness, gossip and all things nonsense.
The mistake I have made for many years is I thought I was in a relationship with a grown man. Everything is fun and giggles in the beginning because I can go from boardroom, to the basketball game, to the bedroom in a blink of an eye.. meaning.. I can take care of my business, kick it with my man and be all that he "wants" behind closed doors. We can sip champagne and chug beers. I know that being friends is the foundation of any successful relationship. I give freedom because I want freedom. I am a grown woman who has a tremendous capability of occupying my time with meaningful things. The men who have cheated couldn't handle all the freedom I needed or gave...they needed something to do with their time. I am not going to make excuses as to why men cheat however I will say when the real man for me shows up he is going to be fine with being alone and love when we are together. He is going to have his own shit going on that our time apart will be productive and not destructive. He will appreciate looking at other women, maintain his friendships with his female friends without disrespecting me. It can be done.. MONOGAMY.. it will happen as soon as more boys become men who have learned to walk with it swinging and chew bubble gum!
Friday, October 7, 2011
NAKED.... I'M LOVING IT!
I am a hopeless romantic. I love it when a man holds the door open for me, pulls my chair out at the table and on occasion orders my dinner because he knows me so well. I like holding hands when we are walking down the street, when he holds the umbrella in the rain and offers me his jacket if I am cold. I like the flowers just because he thought of me during the day, the calls or text messages of nothing in particular; he just thought of something, saw something or heard something that reminded him of me. I love when he says, "you smell good" or "you look nice today". When he stares at me a little longer than usual as if he is seeing me for the first time. When we can coexist in the same space without conversation. My heart smiles because he knows how I like my tea and brings it to me at the right time. When we can respect each other opinions, disagree and move on. When he sees me; his kisses take my breath away and his eyes shows me how much he missed me.
I am a hopeless romantic. I am going to stand in front of him and reveal the real me. I am going to remove my jewelery because the bling may give him the impression that I am in it for the money. I am going to remove my sweater because his hugs are going to keep me warm. I will remove my pants because I believe a man should be a man by wearing the pants in a relationship. I will remove my bra and panties to expose the most intimate of my secrets. As I stand in front of him with nothing but my 4 inch stilettos on he will see me for me. I will be at my most vulnerable; I will say without saying.. "pick me, choose me".
I am going to stand in front of him with my 4 inch stilettos on standing tall, standing free and standing on a solid foundation because those are the one pair of shoes that will begin the change in my life.
I am a hopeless romantic. I am going to stand in front of him and reveal the real me. I am going to remove my jewelery because the bling may give him the impression that I am in it for the money. I am going to remove my sweater because his hugs are going to keep me warm. I will remove my pants because I believe a man should be a man by wearing the pants in a relationship. I will remove my bra and panties to expose the most intimate of my secrets. As I stand in front of him with nothing but my 4 inch stilettos on he will see me for me. I will be at my most vulnerable; I will say without saying.. "pick me, choose me".
I am going to stand in front of him with my 4 inch stilettos on standing tall, standing free and standing on a solid foundation because those are the one pair of shoes that will begin the change in my life.
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